Valentine’s Day-themed presents tend to be the same old crap year after year. Flowers? Done it. Chocolates? She’s on a diet. Jewelry? Not when everyone’s saving to buy an apartment! Lifestyle’s searched out some rather unusual V-Day gift options to tell your lover just how you feel.

For the ladies with expensive tastes

We’ve already poo-pooed the idea of giving chocolates, but we didn’t say these chocolates. Godiva has some lovely limited edition chocolates for Valentine’s.

Our picks: one soft, heart-shaped chocolate, wrapped in a golden box with a red silk bow. It’s 100 yuan for this precious, 40-gram nugget.

If one bite cannot possibly convey all your love, spring for a red silk heart-shaped box with a rose, containing chocolates with flavors from chestnut to caramel, as well as the heart choco mentioned above. For a box of 13 pieces, prepare to spend 595 yuan. A 36-piece set costs an astonishing 1,390 kuai.

Need a middle ground? Try Godiva’s teddy bear for 350 yuan.

Garishly romantic

Love your girl but can’t always be with her, due to work demands, over-vigilant parents or prudish morals? Give her a dream pillow (below) to remind her of you as she drifts off to sleep.

If she can sleep, that is. The new product, aimed squarely at 2010 V-Day newbies, is made of a soft material and stuffed with LED color-changing lights activated by a squeeze of the pillow. The result? It’s marketed as creating a dreamy effect, but we find it a bit bright for attempting to sleep. Fortunately, if you leave the thing alone for a half hour, the lights automatically go out.

To order a 188-yuan glow pillow, visit Only Love at www.onlylove.hk or taobao.com for a lower price.

A small reminder of your love for him every time he undoes his pants

Around here, a girl doesn’t give a belt to just any old guy. Belts worn every day are representative of a woman’s expectations of faithful love, trust and responsibility.

The clever crowd back at Only Love Company have devised a personalized belt with an engraved metal buckle. Your loving words are concealed inside the buckle, known only to him. Suggested quotes? “Although you are not with me right now, my love is haunting you all the time,” “Hon, I will be with you forever,” “You belong to me, nobody can take you away,” and “You have me on your road ahead.” Expect such sentiments to truly overwhelm your sweetheart. Hopefully, in a good way.

Chen Hao is one such lucky man who received a buckle from girlfriend Xia Chunli, after dating half a year. “About one month ago, I was very surprised to receive a package and fully delighted to find this precious gift from her. The engravings are poetic: ‘Holding hands with you, never apart, never betray,’ along with my given name, Hao, and the last character of her given name, Li, engraved together.”

These buckles are available from OnlyLove online, for approximately 200 yuan.

Li Baoqing buys newspapers from the library, packages them in a delicately designed wooden box and then sells them on Taobao.com to people who want a paper from the date they were born. He even assembles full kits with a birthday card and a CD with music from the decade of birth. But for Valentine’s Day, he does more business in fake, tailor-made newspapers.

For example, Li will customize a front page for couples to give one another, with the story of their romance the lead article.

Of course, Li has to change the names slightly to avoid lawsuits, but it’s hard to tell at a glance that “Huanqiu Shibao” (Global Times) has become “Huanqiu Ribao.” Search for “birthday newspaper” to find Li’s shop on Taobao. Prices range from 30 to 100 yuan.

Free, for now

You know what costs nothing and means everything? Proposing. Give it a go, what’s the worst that could happen?

A recent Nokia commercial distributed online shows a man asking pedestrians to use his phone to snap him in front of the words “Will,” “You,” “Mary” (sic) “Me” on signs around town, before messaging his girlfriend with the proposal.

Of course, you don’t have to. I’m sure she’ll respond just as well to a V-Day suggestion of, “Dinner tonight, restaurant: McDonalds?”

When the band Extreme sang “More than Words,” they were trying to express how sometimes, just saying, “I will love and cherish you forever,” is nowhere near enough. Exactly what were they suggesting one do, then?

We reckon they were advising folks to zip back to One Love and order up a crystal “Best Boyfriend” or “Best Girlfriend” trophy, costing 238 yuan. Cheapskates can opt for certificates that offer the same sentiment for about 50 yuan.

Guo Biwei, who has been in relationship for four years and plans to get married next year, told Lifestyle, “I was trying hard to give him a very surprising and unexpected gift this year. I was really excited to find this treasure on Taobao. I sent my boyfriend’s picture and the words I wanted the seller to print on the “Best Boyfriend” certificate. It was basically some rules of what a model husband should do. I was especially impressed with the packaging. The certificate is sealed in an old-fashioned yellow document envelope sealed with a red stamp saying ‘Top Secret.’”

According to Guo, her future husband got the hint after having a good laugh. “Through this unexpected gift, I achieved my purpose. Now I’m thinking of buying a ‘Best Mom and Dad’ certifi-cate for my parents this Spring Festival.”

Crazy in love

The funniest, or creepiest gift option, depending on the nature of your relationship, is the “Crazy Love” certificate, or chiqing zheng (left). The left side is emblazoned with your name, gender (just in case) and ID number. On the right, find the statement: “This is to certify that A has fallen so deeply in love with B, that A is so obsessed with B, that A cannot eat, drink or sleep. A is so crazy in love, he/she is deserving of this award. Please keep the certificate safe, and show it under necessary situations.” The certificate’s duration is “FOREVER,” and it’s stamped by the China Crazy Love Authentication Center. It’s unfathomable that you might have something else to add to all that, but should you, additional content can be added to this binding document. Find it on Taobao for 20 to 50 yuan.